you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
