I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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