New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize