I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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