I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
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