oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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