I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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