We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
You're like the curious george of whores
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
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