3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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