i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
you have to choose: penises or morals?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Randomize
