what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
