i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
