where am i from again
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
