Screwed.edu
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
