and you said cock pushups were impossible
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
