Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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