sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
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