ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
