He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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