They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
