So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Randomize
