we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
