I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
