There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
