I heard we made out
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
