I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
