bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
you never un-have a 4some
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
