so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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