Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
