I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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