Im at strip club and am horny
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
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