It's like a parade of train wrecks.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
