i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
