He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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