ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Shame - the story of my life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
