I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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