wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
