Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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