At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Randomize
