I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
