You can't special order awesome
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
