There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
