I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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