I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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