mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
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