So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
