I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
