it's too hot outside to masturbate.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Randomize
