I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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