the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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