dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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