everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
