ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just invented taco cereal.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
