I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
