There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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