had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
