...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Who put my cat in the fridge?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
