I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
