i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
