yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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