You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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