I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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