you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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