I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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