i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
