They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
