Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
